E-mail from my friend M.

I've been doing some thinking lately...here are some of my thoughts a bit influenced by my past week.

Thoughts on a fickle heart and a stubborn mind

Nobody likes to be lonely all the time and when somebody strikes us as fascinating we become curious to know more about them. The head gives them a chance…but the heart is not won over that way.

As a Gemini is ruled by intellect it is not in tune with its feelings rather thinks them through. That is why I think a challenge (mentally) is stimulating.

Sometimes we get overwhelmed by emotions…out of nowhere and feel lost and don’t know what to do. The mind takes a step back and just relaxes.

That is what happened to me last weekend my friend. After a bad date I went over my neighbors house and we fucked each other crazy for hours. It was awesome because I felt so free…my brain was off and disappeared. I felt everything, I don’t remember anything. I swear my body and his body were emanating this energy that I could feel without touching him. He could understand me, and I could understand him and I took his cues gladly.

This doesn’t mean anything serious such as a relationship rather we enjoyed each other’s company.

I think as a Gemini its nice to take a break from the mental challenge that is so natural with every meeting of the opposite sex. The banter to see if they can ‘handle’ being with a bull shitter, fickle, always moving, always full of anxiety…if they step up to the challenge then its worth to give them a try.

You asked me: How did you stay in a loveless relationship? I did love him and that is why I stayed. I loved him in an appreciative way, like a good friend, not a lover. It was comfortable that I didn’t have to move and look for someone else and I made myself believe that was love was. I never knew what love was so I assumed it to be so.

Regarding each of your girlfriends maybe they each stimulate your brain (also the satisfaction of variety) and not the emotions inside you. Its possible you need to find is someone who stimulates your emotions to the core, and who can understand and accept you without judgment. A person that you can just be with and just be happy with without holding back. Don’t let it get to you Sam, you may be naughty lover sometimes but doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You’re just very brainy and curious.

I know you have a lot to give and it may be building up inside you. I hope you find someone you can share that with.

Excuse my ranting I’m still in lala land…you should find the song “tear you apart” (During my impromptu sexcapades we fucked to that song at his computer desk and did what some of the lyrics said as it played hehehe)

I love sex!