Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Slipping down

*Originally written June 2nd 2003*

It seems to me that my life has been one big movie. There have been its ups and downs, its frogs and prince charmings. But it's sad to see that the ending to this movie may not be what I want to make it.

Karen: so whats the plan? do you know if you are staying or leaving?
Sam: i have no clue. i am still waiting for my father to write me back. whatever he says i am gonna end up doing, cause that's the way it has always been.
Karen: how can you live like that?

May 27, 2003

I guess I always planned on everything being so easy for me. I was labled as being smart and funny (witty actually is a better word) when I was younger. Have I lost the sense of both along with my youth? I am unsure of that, as I am unsure of so many things.

Kim:i am not smoking anymore
Sam:why not?
Kim: well, if i am gonna be living at home-- there is no way in hell i could ever smoke here
Kim: my parents are so against that
Sam:hmmm! why not move to cali?
Kim:its still a possibility
Kim: florida is not out of the picture yet
Kim: or maybe a move to spain in the fall :-)
Kim: anything is possible
Sam: anything is possible
Sam: and nothing will happen
Kim: then you already know my story!

April 19, 2003

The night sky has become only that to me these days, whereas before, it held some sort of mystery; almost magic when the stars shone so brightly, and the crickets sang their night songs. Now, I walk along the streets with its blackness over my head, and I hardly even give it a second chance.

Desiree: well you will come back a lot, wont you?
Sam: who knows desi
Sam: i have no clue
Sam: until today i thought i was going to gradschool
Desiree: say yes
Desiree: say yes anyway
Sam: sure
Sam: yes
Sam: i will come back every 3 months to visit
Desiree:see? Much better!

May 29, 2003

When I was a child, I had never dreamt that growing older would give me a different perspective on things. I took for granted the fact that as a child, I saw through eyes that held nothing but wonder. I have gained new insight, but have forgotten the longing to grow wings and fly away from this place. I have lost the sense of dreaming without limits.

Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctoral gift that no one ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper.

cigar smoking man on the x files

It seems like such a short time ago that my nights consisted of playing hide-and-go-seek with friends within my neighborhood. The tight knit bond that held us together has unraveled in so many different dirrections. Of course we all keep in touch, but a distance has been placed between us. Not the distance of location, but the changes that come with getting older. We aren't care free kids any more with all the time in the world. We have become more than that, and it saddens me to see that our separate lives have separated us from one another.

Start packing your bags! you are no longer going to gradschool because your mom lied about the land and the money. I am sorry son, but there is nothing i can do.


May 28, 2003

We grew up.


Anonymous FreeThinker said...

Sam, I hope there is justice in the world and that you can live free. You deserve better than the society in which you live.

10:11 PM  

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