Tuesday, November 15, 2005

My response to Z's Post

I am writing this post in response to Z’s post on how bad Gemini males are. She claims that during male-bitch fest with 3 other bitter females, she suddenly stumbled on the revelation that Gemini guys are the worst.

While we bitterly complained in general about the asinine ways of boys--we noticed that though many guys are jerk offs---it’s those damn GEMINI guys who really wreak havoc on a woman’s mental and emotional well-being!

Now this caught my attention, because I am a Gemini guy and I like being a Gemini and will not stand for someone else to bash my sign. I then decided that it may be better to just write a rebuttal to what she said, and this is what this post is all about.

Dear Z,

It came to my attention that you have issues with men, specifically those of the Gemini persuasion. As a Gemini male myself, I find the fact that you have issues with our fabulous nature to be very troubling, because, you know, we are awesome. But then I remembered that you actually liked Gamal Abdel Nasser and thought he was an OK guy, so I figured that your thought process may have some..ehh.. kinks in it which always ensures that you end up with the wrong conclusion. So I volunteered my time and effort to help you see the error of your ways, and how you are wrong about geminis. I will be using your criticisms as a tool to help me with my task, and I am sure that you will realize how fortunate you were for having such men as Gemini males in your life. Ok? Let’s go.

With the exception of one girlfriend, all of us had A FEW Gemini horror stories to share. Less than 10 minutes into our GEMINI lamentations, we reached a consensus: GEMINI guys are selfish, manipulative, insidious users who find delight in playing with and breaking a woman’s heart.

Ok, first of all, "the selfish , manipulative, insidious users" charge is unfair, because it can be used to characterize the supreme majority of men and women. To claim that those are Gemini only traits is both misleading and disingenuous. The same goes for “finding delight in playing and breaking a woman’s heart”. Puleeze. That’s everybody. You telling me you never played anyone or had to break their heart? Hey, shit happens in relationships. Just because it happened to you doesn’t make it my Zodiac’s fault. Anyway…

But we’re magnets to their dark, charismatic ways. Think Johhny Depp. Yum. They entertain us with their games. They seduce us with words. Charm us with their incessant flirtation.

You also forgot that we provide you with the drama and the mental stimulation you crave. Geminis are all smart, intense and talented and will always give you something to think about. We are also master communicators. You can tell a Gemini anything, you can talk to them for hours without getting bored. We always amuse and entertain you, alongside charming you, and that’s why you find us so irresistible.

Yet, keeping a GEMINI grounded and interested in you seems to be a 24/7 task. It’s exhausting! And before you know it, the GEMINI is bored and needs something new. He only comes back temporarily when he needs to fill the loneliness in his life. THOSE BASTARDS!

Ahh, and here we reach the crux of the problem, your problem, with the Gemini males. See, we need recuperation. We need to get back what we put it. We need someone who will intrigue us, mentally stimulate us, who will do to us what we do to you. Most of you fail at that, because, let’s face it, most of you are BORING. Geminis are tornados of energy and zest for life, and you are talking about keeping them grounded. See where the problem lies here? Instead of jumping on the bandwagon, you want to stop it. Why? It would be smarter and less exhausting to run along instead of always trying to stop us in order to do..ehh.. the nothing that you do all day.

God knows we will try to help you; we will give you suggestions, offer advice, activities to embark on and things to do (especially in bed), but most of you never seize the opportunity when we offer it. You instead wanna talk and discuss things and tell us why we can’t do certain things. Bullshit. There is nothing in this world that a Gemini isn’t capable of doing and getting away with it as well. The faster you get yourself accustomed to that fact, the more fun you and the Gemini will have together.

And then you complain that we only come back to fill the loneliness in our lives. Well, that’s not true. We are very introspective creatures. We always wonder if we did make a wrong choice and if we should have given that person who we had to break up with due to their constant whining and bitching and suffocating ways a second chance. If we made a hasty mistake of judgment so to speak. So we come back into your lives for a few days and low and behold it turns out that we didn’t make a mistake when we left your sorry asses. You are still the same boring annoying suffocating individuals we ran away from. Is it any wonder we bolt again? Wouldn’t you?

Is there a special Ritalin prescription out there for GEMINIS in order to help them shed their frivolous and capricious ways?

No need for one. Just don’t be a boring nag. Make us laugh and we are interested; make us laugh and think and we are yours; make us laugh and think and be good in bed and we are truly yours. God knows we are always funny, mentally stimulating and good in bed. It’s mostly the other party that sucks at life and demands that we stay with them anyway. Pshhhhhhh.

Their schizophrenic split personalities are a crime against humanity! To further complicate matters, GEMINIS are two faced.

You are half right there: we are schizophrenic, but not two-faced. We have 2 personalities fighting for control inside of us and whichever takes over at when is anybody’s guess and completely dependent on luck. It’s not our fault; we are born this way. Not to mention, it’s part of our charm. It’s why we are so damn unpredictable. You never know what we will do or how we will react in any situation, cause either one of the personalities could take over at the time.

Pre-disposed to cheating through their manipulative ways.

Ok, now you are saying we are cheaters? What kind of cheating we talking about here? Physical cheating? Mental cheating? Emotional cheating? You have to specify. Not to mention, before you accuse a Gemini of cheating, you have to ask yourself one thing : “ Are we in a monogamous relationship? Are we even in a relationship? Does seeing him twice a week and fucking his brains out constitute one?”, because that’s usually what you get with a Gemini. A Gemini will never be the first to demand a definition of the relationship, so you girls just assume we are in one. Don’t! Unless we say that we are in a relationship, we are not. And if you push us into admitting it, we will feel bad about rejecting you, so we will mumble incoherently in a way that makes you think we are “in agreement but just being shy and bashful”. We are not. You are assuming things again. Stop it.

Plus, even if we are in a relationship and we find someone better than you, who will love us better and stimulate us better, remind me again why should we stay with you anyway? Love is a fleeting thing, and so is attraction. You can’t control who you are attracted to, why should we be held up to such an insane requirement? Is it our fault that we are honest creature who tell you right away that we are done with your boring ass and that we found someone better? Should we stay with you and lie to you and ourselves? Why? To keep you happy? But you are not keeping us happy, so why should we be the one who get shafted? We are straightforward go-getters; if you can’t deal with it, then don’t date us.

Even worse, they are attention whores in need of accolades and worship. What does a GEMINI see when he looks into the mirror? God. One must frequently--as in every other minute-- praise his good looks, intelligence, and charismatic personality. Basically, staple your lips to his ass, because that’s what he needs.

BECAUSE WE ARE SUPERIOR DAMN IT. That’s why you want us. That’s why you put up with us. We know we are that good. We know that we are worth it, and we know that you better recognize. It’s that simple.

Of course this praise is hardly ever reciprocated. He’s GOD, you’re not.

Exactly. What, you want us to lie to you? If you suck then you suck. Not our fault you are one of the zodiacs less fortunate creatures. Plus, who needs who here? Who wants who to stay with them, despite knowing that they are not worthy? Yeah, exactly, not the Gemini. You need to kiss our ass because we are tolerating you and your presence in our lives, and because we know if you don’t there are a dozen other girls around the corner just waiting their turn to staple their lips to our asses. You know it too, and that’s what really drives you crazy: A Gemini is never disposable, you, on the other hand, are.

Look, we are smart, charismatic, charming, entertaining, stimulating and extremely confidant. You want a piece of that action, then get over it, get on board or get lost. Just don’t go running around whining how you can’t keep us on your terms. You don’t make a Gemini adapt to you, you adapt to him, because we are awesome and that’s all there is to it.

Hope that helped clarify things a bit for ya. If you have anymore questions, let me know.

Sincerely yours,

The awesome Gemini Sandmonkey


Blogger Z said...

Very well written rebuttal to my blog. But seems as though you overlooked what I stated in my concluding remarks. I said all of our bitching was unfairly generalizing about Geminis. All people, regardless of their sign, are capable of exhibiting the negative qualities we associated with Geminis. And for those who complain about Geminis, I did question them as to why they continued to maintain the “relationship.”

But a fine rebuttal nonetheless you monkey!! :P


11:17 AM  
Blogger Kikhwa said...

The arrogance of a Gemini!

(Damn, you're good.)

9:02 PM  
Blogger Gene said...

Here here! As a fellow Gemini Male I applaud this post!

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Me said...

yayy!! Sandmonkey is an awesome gemini :))
See, I have no problem stappling those lips to your precious ass ;)
By the way, are you bored yet??

Z, Gemini's are great; Scorpios are bastards, I'm waiting for that post

3:30 AM  
Blogger egyptiansally said...

i have to say these traits apply to female geminis as well. we're guilty too, i'm afraid. but in all honesty, we can't help ourselves. we're sincere but fickle, i.e. we tell the truth in that moment, but the next moment that truth may not hold any longer because our feelings change.

10:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You said it all SM....that was damn COOL

10:37 PM  
Anonymous BABY GIRL said...

wow your fucking amazing bruh lmao i wasted about 20 minutes of my life reading this for no reason but i had fun while doing it hahhaa thanks for the entertainment =D c ya next time .....

3:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, I am a Gemini Girl and I totally agree with Sandmonkey!
We don't like people trying to tie us down, we appreciate Liberty above all. If not we run away. We need an activity "fun loving" partner with whom we can talk and communicate, not a bosy one.

It is true that We are an air sign, so we change our minds easily, we are very flexible, this doesn't mean we have 2 faces, it's just that we are constantly addapting to new situations!

3:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, that's is truly gemini i am a gemini and i admit all that you have written great job man :)

12:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks like Gems love having their asses kissed so much they are quite willing to do it themselves. This entire post has been a well written yet voracious circle jerk. Bravo!

-anonymous scorp

8:55 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home