Sunday, March 22, 2009

Acorns and trees!

So, you meet a person, and somehow, despite their totally normal exterior, you sense something about them that no one else senses. You see a twinkle. A spark of reverence. There is a gem there, waiting to be unearthed. Talent and potential that, if unleashed, will shake the earth to its foundation. And once you start seeing them in the light of their hidden truth, you are breath-taken by how utterly beautiful and enchanting they truly are. And since you are a romantic at heart, you naturally think this is all fantastic, because you have always wanted to find that. That someone that's so truly special, that gem so perfectly hidden, that no one before you- and let's face it, the world is filled with idiots who can't see beyond their noses- was able to take note of it. You believe yourself to have found yourself a treasure, and all you need to do now is find a way to bring it to light, and your life, and the lives of others, but mostly your life, will be enriched forever.

Welcome to the perfect trap, ladies and gentlemen. I know, some of you will claim it's not a trap at all, but that's its brilliance: How un-trap-like those people are, and most importantly... how un-trap-like they feel..

Let's go over how this particular trap is set, exactly: They could be the most utterly brilliant talented person if only they can be pushed and encouraged, which you can do once you are more entrenched in their life, and then they will be as brilliant to everybody as you see them to be.

Stop me when this gets familiar....

But you know the end of this story, don't you? You have been there. You have seen it. You have seen how those people will fight your efforts to have them fulfill their potential. You have seen how they fight to keep and maintain their insecurities, the same insecurities that they know exist and admit hinders them, with the same ferociousness of a lioness protecting its cub. In the battle between being and nothing, they will always choose nothing, even if they dream every day of actually being.

And slowly, but surely, for the impartial logical observer, this particular case starts being part of a universal truth...those people will never be anything more. They will dream about it, and fill your head with their dreams, but they will do nothing to pursue or achieve it. Instead they will continue leading their meaningless careers and limited lives, but still demand that you believe in them.

Now, if you are a person with a savior complex, or think that self-sacrificing your life for someone else's happiness is cool, then, by all means, go ahead. This trap was MADE for you. But if you a slightly more evolved human being then maybe you will start admitting to yourself the truth: The person you love? The person that is so brilliant and beautiful in their own way that only you can see? That person does not exist. Never have, never will. And just to simplify this for ya: If you think there people out there that are "hidden gems" but are single or in relationships that "don't give them justice", then you should probably start believing in Santa Claus while you are at it. Those people are alone or are in dead-end-shitty relationships, for a reason, and it's not because no one else has eyes but you. It's mainly, because, those people you see, don't really exist, and never did. Potential, while nice, is nothing. It's an empty promise with no guarantees, given to you by an asshole who could've fulfilled it today if they chose to, but don't. Nope, I am sorry, there are no hidden gems; beauty doesn't get discarded for long for no reason, and you have not uncovered the great hidden treasure that was in plain sight for all to see. You are the Indian who thanked the white man for his very nice and un-expected blankets, and two days later wondered why he suddenly was feeling very ill and everything around him was going to shit.

And trust me, this will be you if you don't get out of that trap, because that same person will affecting your life as well. Ignore the dissapointment of not having them reach their poetntail for a second, and think of this for a change: 1) They will trap themselves in their heads, forever living in a fantasy world where all their dreams are realized, and this is where they would rather be, instead of actually living their lives or the moment, with you, and 2) Yeah, about those insecurities: they are not going anywhere. She will always feel not good enough..he will always crave the acceptance of his mother..they will forever put their lives on hold because society/parents expectations/whatever got in their way. Sounds fun, huh? You have just met the rarest of the breed: the talented person who sets for him/herself their own limitations, way before their actual limitations exist, and expect their relationship with you to be the ground of their own passivity. Great, huh?

It's probably one of the saddest things in the world, when a person chooses to give up on their dreams, but it's probably sadder if those dreams always end up being all they have. Hegel said, the truth of the acorn is the tree, but the tree needs to make the choice to grow, or else it will always remain an acorn. To meet the acorn, that could be the tree any day it chooses, but won't do it, and will dream about it instead.. well...Hell and damnation. Hell and damnation indeed.

Beware the trap, boys and girls. And don't trust your eyes too much, especially if they show you beauty where others have seen nothing. I mean, there is always the chance that you did truly find that diamond in the rough, that hidden treasure, that one special person that everybody somehow overlooked, but chances are, you didn't. Either way, you now know the signs, and you have been warned. Whether you walk away, or don't, truly up to you. I am personally running away, but that's just me.

Good luck!

14 Comments:

Blogger Sue said...

"I mean, there is always the chance that you did truly find that diamond in the rough, that hidden treasure, that one special person that everybody somehow overlooked, but chances are, you didn't. "

Bravo ya monkey...bravo...I shall add this to the breakup manifesto and the many wise things you say:P

1:20 PM  
Blogger Lirun said...

wrong wrong wrong!!

the diamond is not the person.. its the fact that you feel as you do.. the person is the key that unlocked the diamond in you.. that is what made them special..

otherwise right - yes - no one is special.. we are all bags of dirty water.. but the fact is that only one such bag unleashed your greatest emotion..

running away therefore is not about distancing yourself form that person - but merely a fear of the tidal wave that is love..

dont run - ride it.. its worth the inevitable crash.. 1000 times over..

12:52 PM  
Anonymous stef said...

i came to this conclusion after 3 years into a relationship. unfortunately it was a long-distance relationship and i didn't realize this until after i moved to his country on a "trial run" basis. thank god it was a trial run.

anyway, thank you for writing this. you put my situation into far better words than i ever could have (or did).

12:31 PM  
Anonymous Angelica said...

very well put!
however, the fact they choose to stay tangled in their complexes or are just too afraid to change is a very human behaviour ..it doesnt mean you saw false glitter. Its just that the person has problems that you cannot solve for him, despite ur generousity and selfless devotion.
It can also be that he sees life in a different way than you; has a different set of priorities or values - that u cannot or wont understand and accept..
Yeah. (SIGH). I suffer from the same 'saviour complex' or - if u want- altruistic tendencies. Story of my life.

4:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what's wrong with the acorn?

hear me out, i know the acorn offends your sensibilities

but the acorn is precisely why you will be pissed off your whole life

because people don't fulfil your idea of their potential, because the world doesn't fulfil your idea of its potential

i'm not saying put up or shut up--i'm saying, there will always be something lacking--something not good enough

choose your battles or at least recognize that ...hmm...

recognize that as much as you hate to admit it, you like fighting the ones that are hard to win (and maybe that's why you're critiscizing romantics so harshly? is this a marcus aureliusy meditations entry where you're yelling at yourself but hiding it in third person?)

inadequacies are pretty--that's where character comes from. small acorns that never reach their potential can be moving. they moved you to write your entry didn't they? ugliness and pain has a place in the world too.

okay that was longer than expected.
i found this and felt i simply had to refute for the sake of the poor defenseless acorn.

:) i disagree with you most of the time, but you try, and i appreciate and respect that

bye

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Amr said...

Screw That! I'm legging it.

I've seen this happen too many times, and I've come to learn that you can't solve people's problems, they need to do it on their own.

If you are feeling truly altruistic then you push the person hard, and then leave, and detach. If you stay there and they decide to change then they are admitting to you that they were wrong and that's not easy. But leave them and their other experiences will show them that you are right (or not) and when this happens they will change slowly and come back again.

8:36 PM  
Anonymous Danielly said...

Deep. I love it haha.

9:47 AM  
Anonymous gil@israel said...

i think its really depence on the mood and moment in life-sometimes i admire beauty of the people around me and sometimes i find them grey and ugly... and yes-its the way i see it so i agree with lirun

11:09 AM  
Blogger Opal said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

6:04 AM  
Blogger Opal said...

It is said that what one loves in another is what one cannot recognize in oneself.

As human beings, most of us come to feel like failures, but the really interesting and self-realizing journey is reflecting on what one wanted, and discovering why that was desirable. Very wise and thoughtful people have written much worth reading on this problem.

Take what fascinates you and troubles you in another person as a key to yourself.

6:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You expect;
she resists.
You condemn
thus confirm,
"not good enough",
ya bloated puff.

When you learn
to love a person,
scars and all
you hear the call
of the Lord;
go forward.

-- Karl Brooks

11:21 AM  
Anonymous Sarah MacGregor said...

Hello,

I arrived here in search for your other journal which appears to have been suspended. Someone posted excerpts from your journal regarding the recent events in Cairo. I'm sorry I didn't get to read the rest. I love this entry though, it's pretty close to home at the moment!(Although I don't know if I would write the dude off so quickly but I do recognise there is little point in banging head off wall).
I am commenting to say that I hope you are alright, the account suspension is somewhat worrying. My thoughts are with you and the protesters in Cairo....

Sarah MacGregor(In most northerly Orkney and worlds apart)

10:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(Bless Sarah MacGregor! Though I'm a secular humanist, still, how nice of her.)

We are all riveted on the Tunisian, Egyptian, and soon, Yemen political unrest, and many of us here in the US are unhappy about our country's propping up of dictatorships everywhere, realpolitik or not. Watching our lovely brilliant President closely.

We have our own forms of corruption, what I like to call our oliogarchy - men who've enriched themselves without thought for others. I could go on. I want us to be a standard-bearer.

As for love... I like what you wrote, and what your readership says over there - all true.

Signed,
Dirty bag of H2O

10:22 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Yeah - From another Brit who's started following you: what were those rumours about you being arrested? The blog and the twitterfeed seem to be both running full steam ahead now: where is the story?

2:12 PM  

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