The Two cups
Imagine Two cups, one that has the word "Love" on it, and another that has the word "Pain" on it.
When you start loving someone, and I mean love in its most general terms, ya3ny love you have for your friends and the love you have for your significant other, you find inside of you a compartment with those 2 cups that has the name of your loved one on it.
As usually the case, the Love cup is almost all the way full, and the Pain cup is empty. However, slowly but surely the cup starts getting filled, as the ones we love start hurting us. It could be a trickle of numerous small offenses, or a couple gushing big ones, but the effect is always the same. The cup, that once was empty, was now catching up with the Love cup in terms of fullness.
That being the case, we continue staying with those who hurt us, because the love cup still holds more in it than the Pain cup. This could be the case forever, or the pain cup continues to get filled and to catch up with the Love cup. Until the most dangerous phase is reached. The Phase of equilibrium. When the Love cup and the Pain cup are both equally filled. When there is a equal balance of Love and Pain in that person's account with you. That's when things get interesting, precisely because the moment anything, any small offense, gets committed by that person we loved, we are immediately done with them. It's over, in the most sudden and aggressive of manner. You are through with them, for a very very long time, quite possibly forever.
The people around us, who only see what's been happening on the surface, are always astonished at that reaction. They ask you why you did what you did. They cite all the older examples of bad shit that person has done to you when you forgave them unequivocally, and wonder why you chose to turn the tables on them for this particular small incident. And you can't always fully explain it, because it doesn't always make sense to whomever listens, but in the most laymen of terms, you've just had enough and you weren't going to take it anymore. Your Pain cup was filled and started to overflow. Something needed to be done.
The sad thing is, it never has to be like this. While the Love cup is permanent and fixed, the pain cup is volatile and can be drained,and it doesn't take much to drain it. All it takes is a little effort and sincerity. God knows they are already aided by the love we have for them. But they are usually oblivious, insolently unappreciative and too secure in the love you offered them to really care or be alarmed. And while it is true that you can never really stop loving people you once loved, it's also true that you can let go of the pain they've caused you, if they were honest in the efforts, and done it before the pain levels reached the critical point of Balance with the love cup. Somehow, after that, all efforts appear futile, and simply too little too late.
I try to stay aware of those two cups when dealing with the people I love. Maybe that's why when I have to hurt them I try to minimize it as much as possible. I don't love easily, the people inside my circle of intimacy are rare and counted, and everybody knows this. Maybe that's why it stings more when I am hurt, because I know that I would do anything for those I love, but they wouldn't necessarily do the same for me.
It's not the act, or the pain, that gets you in the end. It's the sense of betrayal, like falling from 10 story building, and finding out a little too late that there won't be anyone down there to catch you.
When you start loving someone, and I mean love in its most general terms, ya3ny love you have for your friends and the love you have for your significant other, you find inside of you a compartment with those 2 cups that has the name of your loved one on it.
As usually the case, the Love cup is almost all the way full, and the Pain cup is empty. However, slowly but surely the cup starts getting filled, as the ones we love start hurting us. It could be a trickle of numerous small offenses, or a couple gushing big ones, but the effect is always the same. The cup, that once was empty, was now catching up with the Love cup in terms of fullness.
That being the case, we continue staying with those who hurt us, because the love cup still holds more in it than the Pain cup. This could be the case forever, or the pain cup continues to get filled and to catch up with the Love cup. Until the most dangerous phase is reached. The Phase of equilibrium. When the Love cup and the Pain cup are both equally filled. When there is a equal balance of Love and Pain in that person's account with you. That's when things get interesting, precisely because the moment anything, any small offense, gets committed by that person we loved, we are immediately done with them. It's over, in the most sudden and aggressive of manner. You are through with them, for a very very long time, quite possibly forever.
The people around us, who only see what's been happening on the surface, are always astonished at that reaction. They ask you why you did what you did. They cite all the older examples of bad shit that person has done to you when you forgave them unequivocally, and wonder why you chose to turn the tables on them for this particular small incident. And you can't always fully explain it, because it doesn't always make sense to whomever listens, but in the most laymen of terms, you've just had enough and you weren't going to take it anymore. Your Pain cup was filled and started to overflow. Something needed to be done.
The sad thing is, it never has to be like this. While the Love cup is permanent and fixed, the pain cup is volatile and can be drained,and it doesn't take much to drain it. All it takes is a little effort and sincerity. God knows they are already aided by the love we have for them. But they are usually oblivious, insolently unappreciative and too secure in the love you offered them to really care or be alarmed. And while it is true that you can never really stop loving people you once loved, it's also true that you can let go of the pain they've caused you, if they were honest in the efforts, and done it before the pain levels reached the critical point of Balance with the love cup. Somehow, after that, all efforts appear futile, and simply too little too late.
I try to stay aware of those two cups when dealing with the people I love. Maybe that's why when I have to hurt them I try to minimize it as much as possible. I don't love easily, the people inside my circle of intimacy are rare and counted, and everybody knows this. Maybe that's why it stings more when I am hurt, because I know that I would do anything for those I love, but they wouldn't necessarily do the same for me.
It's not the act, or the pain, that gets you in the end. It's the sense of betrayal, like falling from 10 story building, and finding out a little too late that there won't be anyone down there to catch you.
posted by The Sandmonkey at 5:34 AM
3 Comments:
Beautiful Analogy...Breathtakingly written...and so very Sensitive
Who knew that there are others that take so long to love but that love hard when they do
Walahi Sandmonkey, I was gonna email you about a recent love problem I am having and I was like " Why am I thinking about Sandmonkey to answer my q"...he is the cynical, snarky, Sm? Until I found your other blog...you are sweet and sensative.
SM.....my Egyptian Bf's pain cup has overflowed to the extent that I am almost having a nervous breakdown...We are through...a week ago he was here with me...now he is in Egypt getting engaged....
I knew about it bc I denied marrying the fool. I knew that there was too much pain in the cup to bear forever...I said no to his proposals bc I was "fat, zebella", etc. And he would email craigslist female posters many a time. What is it with the egyptian man?
Thanks for this beautiful post.
I came across this at just the right moment of time in my life. Really, thank you so much.
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