Dear You know who,

This is not the post that was supposed to be here.

Instead, there was a bigger post, filled with anger and venom towards you. Four pages, listing in detail how much of a really bad friend you are, how you took me for granted, how you brought nothing but shit into my life, and a lot more angry whiny crap like that. It was mean, it attacked below the belt and it aimed to destroy any visage of friendship we had and quite possibly fuck you up. Everybody who read it warned me not to send it for those exact reasons.

Well, as you can see, I didn't post it or send it to you, but not because of those reasons. I didn't send you that post, despite the temptation caused by your provocative statements, because it would've been really cowardly to do so. The aim would've been to get you so hurt you would never attempt contacting me again, and I wouldn't have to deal with confronting you or with any more drama coming from you. Not to mention, even though it's been nothing but heartache, I did care about you a whole lot, and I do believe that the friendship we had demands more respect than an angry ranting 4 page post.

You seem to think that this is another one of our fights, and that once we sit down and talk everything will be resolved. You are totally wrong on this count. You took the friendship for granted, you weren't there when I needed you the most, and you even caused unnecessary shit when I psychologically couldn't handle it, and you don't see you did anything wrong at all. Even when you recognize that you were a bad friend, you blamed me for being too good of a friend to you. You demand forgiveness without contrition or atonement, and god knows I obliged you in the past, but no more!

This relationship is permenantly damaged, and the friendship is beyond repair. It has been for quite some time, I just didn't notice it. Or maybe I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Either way, we are through. You should know this. We can meet and talk about it, but I don't think it would be of any use. It's probably better this way.

I wish you all the best in life, and all the luck in the world. I hope you find friends who will be able to handle..well..you, and who wouldn't "give up and flee" like you said I did. I tried, but I couldn't. It was too much to care for you when you didn't care for yourself, or even act as if you cared about me. It was an abusive relationship in every definition of the word, and its expiration date has been long overdue. I hope that not everybody ends up feeling this way I do, because you deserve people caring for you and being there for you. I just regret I couldn't be one of them.

All the love in the world,

Me

elusive

She's a gambler spinning wheels,
A poison victim but look of steel.
The coldest hearts you've ever felt,
The coldest hands you've ever held.

Taking down, on your way.
A million miles, still no headway.
As I learn to live long,
In a mind I'm proud to roam.

She's elusive and I'm awake,
You're finally real, there's nothing fake.
A mystery now to me and you,
Open my eyes and I'm next to you.
She said my destiny
lies in the hands that set me free.

A reckless night, she hears me breathe,
Cursing the sky at this company.
They lost the wisdom deep inside,
When bitterness shows it's side.

If it's true, I am doomed,
What more is there to hold on to?
A strand of her hair is all I own,
A gift to me, this sorry soul.

She's elusive and I'm awake,
You're finally real, there's nothing fake.
A mystery now to me and you,
Open my eyes and I'm next to you.
She said my destiny
lies in the hands that set me free.

The sun in sails, and this ain't right.
There's more to her than meets the eye.
She comes and goes at any time,
Back in my head at another time.

She's elusive and I'm awake,
You're finally real, there's nothing fake.
A mystery now to me and you,
Open my eyes and I'm next to you.
She said my destiny
lies in the hands that set me free

Lonely Girl

A pill, a joint, a glass and maybe a trip
Sweet talk, lights out, and maybe then strip
To let go, to escape, to hide out in plain sight
Always restless, too bored, too weak to fight,
when all of her demons come out to play at night.
Sensation junkie, scared girl, hide from the light!

You always seek, to run away, to escape this place
The methods vary, putting that smirk on your face
Like the snake, its bite, its poison and its charm
Or lost in the oblivion of someone else’s arms
Always in the shadows, always staying in the dark
You keep hoping they won’t get to see the scars

You are surrounded by many, but you are always alone
Your seclusion, vibrating, but never really shown
Your illusions, reverberating, setting the tone
You are "ugly", you are "fat", and incredibly cruel
You will hurt, purposely, all who care about you
“You don’t believe me? Well, I’ll show you too!”

But there are those, like me, who just won’t let go
I know this game, your pain, I know….I KNOW!
It won’t be cured by pushing them all away
By causing, all of that Havoc, almost every day
That collateral damage, you inflict, indiscriminately
Your death wish eating you, spreading that misery

Well, sweet little girl, you might just succeed
You might push away all the people you actually need
Your desolation, your isolation, secured, indeed
I would just hate to see
those who damaged you, win
Reigning victorious, unopposed
in that great battle within
Owned by your demons, forever..
That would be such a sin!